Beauty & Ugly

2009-06-26T02:03:00.002+08:00

DENISE IS HAPPY THEN EVER.

The Big 21 life has started,
Comeback from my 3days redang trip,
Back to single,
Found a part-time job,
and made new friends.

view more pics @ my facebook.

2009-05-10T16:46:00.004+08:00

YES!!
i think i should stop thinking does he really love me. why must i make my life so miserable because of him. is not worth it at all. if he doesn love me then so be it, cos other people will love me still, like my family. if i really found a guy who will love me more than him, i think i shall go for it, and shall not waste my time on him. if there is someone who can take care of me better then he does, why not give it a try right? Girl's youth is precious. lol. i know this thinking is stupid. but i really dont want to make my life miserable anymore. cos i have my own plan of life.

as what my friend said, 'dont wait for a guy to change for you, cos they will never be.' and i truely think its true after those experience.

i have given him many chances, and he still not gonna do anything about it, then i dont think why must we carry on this relationship.

*only if i found someone who can take care of me, loved me whole heartedly.

I MUST BE HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!!

2009-04-27T18:54:00.004+08:00

In life, we must always give and take.
But somehow human tends to only remeber what they 'give' and forgotten what they 'take' from the others.

P.S i want to invent a machine to see a person true colour.

2009-04-19T14:49:00.004+08:00

No matter what, i still need to pretend that im strong even thou im not. And i hate myself for doing that.

I hate to cry under my bed all alone. I want to go back to the old cheerful Denise.

Does Faith exist on this earth? i wonder to myself everyday.

2009-04-03T14:58:00.004+08:00

My exam has end, pass with flying colours. i thanks god for that.

Holidays ended, school started. i hope for the better this time.

This holiday, many things happen, didn manage to spent it fully, wasted alot of time, and im sorry.

One enermy came into my life, had made myself flare up because of someone's mistake, which doesn worth. but its okie, at least i never hide my feeling this time.

Everything was back to the same as two years ago, but my heart is left broken. But im going to heal it myself no matter how hard it is.

I MUST BE STRONG, I tell myself that everytime.

Life is short and i must be happy. =)

2009-03-12T13:30:00.004+08:00

MY EXAM HAS ENDED.

p.s just hope that the result wont be bad. hoping for a 'PASS' will do.

2009-02-22T14:23:00.003+08:00

Sometimes a simple stuff can be complicated. It had to depends whether the person understand you, and whether you understand yourself.
Sometimes the things you wish to happen, it always turn the other way round. so why am i still believe things will happen.
Sometimes you trust the person so much, hoping that he will change for the better but it dont always happen. Probably he even forget what you had done for him/her, cause human only see what they have done for people, but not see what had people done for them.
Sometimes you do have regret but you still have to let go? and that's life?

i have asked people and people had as me back this question:
'Why cant you understand me?'
'Why cant you listen?'
'Why cant you go my way?'
'Why cant you give in?'

But no one seems to answer these question. but they love to ask this question when things turn nasty, but they will never ask that to themselve or ask themselve to do.

Human are so weird and complicated.

There is so many question in my head that no one can answer.
FEELING TERRIBLE BUT STILL HOPE FOR THE BETTER.

2009-02-17T22:38:00.004+08:00

READ THIS::
i didn know malaysia has such law to those malaysian muslim. pity them.. lol kinda sad to hear people were ban from celebrating valentine's day.

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Authorities in Malaysia arrested 26 unmarried Muslim couples in hotel rooms during Operation Valentine _ aimed at curbing illegal premarital sex in this conservative country, an officer said Monday.

The couples, most under 30 years old, were detained for sharing rooms early Sunday in the beachside town of Kuantan in eastern Pahang state, said Badaruddin Ahmad Bustami, enforcement assistant director with the state's Islamic department.

State authorities carry out raids each year on Valentine's Day in this Muslim-majority country, where sharia laws make it illegal for unmarried Muslims to meet behind closed doors, Badaruddin said. Doing so constitutes a crime known as "khalwat," or "close proximity," which carries a maximum fine of 1,000 ringgit (US$280) and up to six months in prison.

The sharia laws apply only to Malaysia's Muslims, not to Christian and Hindu citizens who together make up about 40 percent of the population.

Badaruddin said the couples were released but may be charged later with khalwat.

"We don't agree with Muslim couples celebrating Valentine's Day because it's not Malay culture," he said. "Every Valentine's Day, many couples come here and they commit big mistakes under Islam."

2009-01-29T15:49:00.004+08:00

"you better learn how to treat us right
'cause once a good girl gone bad
We die forver."

2009-01-25T11:31:00.004+08:00

Its Chinese New Year tomorrow!! and everything has ended.

Finall he said he dont love me anymore. and he never know how much i love him. He nevewr knew how much i did for him. All these 2 years of relationship has drain off just that. I was looking thru our promises and those he had said to me, i felt lost, cos why am i so stupid to believe him. Now here i am suffering in pain before CNY.

i knew this wont last long, but he is the one who says he will nv 'B_ _ _ _ Up'., but true enough whatever i said came true. He really dont care about this relatioship. Since when he actually bother to call or do someting when the relatioship is sinking. All he did was nothing. i really wonder have he ever loved me??? i doubt so, if not he would alr do something about it. Even if he called, is all about his laptop. even the very last moment, he only think about his laptop. He never wanted this relatioship, then why he still want make so many promises and not doing any.

My heart was so in pain, i total lost the mood of celebrating CNY, and now i have lost myself.

Whats the point of loving the person so much, when there is no return, not even an appreciation.

I made myself a promise,
Never again to give my heart away,
Fell in love with someone who left me in the end,
The price of love was just too high to pay.

2009-01-25T00:25:00.003+08:00

Its been 3 days and he didn call him or ask me back. Maybe this time is really a big over for us. up till now he still insist that im in the wrong. nvm, he will nv understand me. all he would do, up till now is to blame on me.

why must always make myself suffering. cant he see what he had actually done to me for the past 2years before he blame me for something. Must i really had to give in to him this time??

IS THERE REALLY A NEED TO PROLONG THIS PAINFUL RELATIONSHIP. Until now i still thinking of those words he has promised me, all those sweet little things he had said. Suddenly everything has become a LIED!! a lied he had set up to obtain his motive. WHY MUST HE BEEN SO MEAN. Has he ever been real to me??

So what if he never cheat, So what if he never gamble, so what if never drink or smoke? But all the hurtful words and irresponsible action is enough to hurt a girl badly.

2009-01-23T01:15:00.003+08:00

What is on the girl's mind??

Bet many times guy has this question on your mind! To be the truth, its not hard to understand a girl. If you really used your heart, you definitly knows what is on her mind. But of cause you must understand her first. Girls thinking is not as complicated as you think. If you think in a simple way, you will get it. We might make things complicated, but the ans to it is always a simple answer. the most important thing to understand a girl is patient. Girls like to play merry go round. so the same thing, they like to say their thought in a merry go round ways. so in future, you still dont know understand her, just wait patiently and listen to her using your heart instead you ear. and one more, girls like to change their boy in a good ways, not because they dont love the way you are, but they always believe you could be a better person. (woman are always the MOTHER of earth). if you cant do all those, please dont date the girl. cause you will only hurt the girl!

Finally he shouted and ask me to go to hell!!
heart-broken and even more disappointed! losing all my hope and left nothing!!

2009-01-18T16:33:00.004+08:00

What is love??

Why must always be the one to tell you what to do?? Are you really loved me? If you are, Why isn't you doing anything. you say you want to see me, but you dont even show that you really want. you jolly well know where i am, but you not doing anything, you never even bother to come to my house. I really wonder how much you actually know me. For total of 2 years of laugher, sadness, you still dont know me. Its so disappointed. yet you claim you did alot. For goddness, what have you done beside making me angry EVERYDAY! listen its everyday! it just whether i got show my anger anot. I really never seen such a useless and hopeless guy. Chances and time i have given to you, but you never cherish it and yet still take it for granted. I serously dont know what is on your mind. This time, i really dont wish you to DIE, but i wished i could DIE right now and never see you again!! I DONT KNOW HOW AM I GOING TO FACE A USELESS AND HOPELESS MAN LIKE YOU.

I always tell you ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. but you are NOT showing anything!!

2009-01-18T13:57:00.003+08:00

Chinese new Year is coming near! and u have not yet buy any new year clothes. Dont even have the CNY feeling, this year everything seems not right. School just started and exam is just only a few weeks time. and i cant afford to fail.

Hope everything will go smoothly!

2009-01-02T10:50:00.003+08:00

DOES DREAMS COMES TRUE?

Once i was a selfish fool,
who never understood.
I never look inside myself,
thou on the outside i look good.
-Janice

2009-01-02T10:02:00.004+08:00

A Bad New Year, A Bad Start of the Year!!

What can say more when everything comes to an end. Which i know i never wanted it.

New Year Eve was suck, because i quarrel with him, but was surprise that he still bother to come to my house and contiune his plan. So i followed because i love him and also because i can see his hardwork. But happiness dont always last...

We went to check in into the hotel that he have planned. The hotel stay was great, and i love it. We went to joined my sister at the Siloso Beach Party around 10.30pm. The placed was so FUN. they have Bubble Foam Party, Bugee Jump, Small Fire, Live Band and many many MORE!! I have alot of fun, but somehow my mood was ruined when my sister have to leave with her bf for some stupid reason. HAIX! He is such a spoiler. and Andre was even worst, he jolly well know i was in a bad mood and he cant even be more understanding to let me venied my anger. We left that placed at 3-4am! We were freezing cold and hungry! so we went to 7-ELEVEN to grab some food. We bought Lou Mai Gai and have 2 cups of mashed potatoes for FREE!! hahaa. We intended to play the fire cracker we bought at the hotel swimming pool, but because we are freezing cold and tired, we went back to our room. And wasted our fire-cracker fun. But nevermind overall was fun and nice.

We check out the hotel the next day at 1pm and went home straight as his father is chasing for his car back. But i tot he would ask me out, as he promised to have a nice dinner and propose to me AGAIN. (FYI - He is not my bf yet) but none of this two was done. I was super duper disappointed as he have forgotten about these promised like ALWAYS, futhermore he never even ask me out.

Anyway everything has ended. After all the hardwork, everything still comes to an end. Now i have to face my problems myself, as i know no-one will ever loved me. Im not emo-ing but im just facing the truth. just hope for the better tomorrow. PRAY HARD!

School starting soon.. and i need to concentrate. And i must not let my emotional to ruined my future. JIA YOU TO MYSELF!!

2008-12-24T10:58:00.003+08:00

YUPPY!! i got all my online purchase items. I just bought 8 more items, but definitly from other places. Got bad experience from the previous purchase. Singapore Online shop is still trustable unlike Malaysia. Anyway the items i got was prefectly fine, no torn or anything but one of the pants and top is kinda dissapointing. Cos the material looks different from the pic, i know pic can be conviencing but this time its TOTALLY different, as in it suppose to be thick texture short but i was give a thin texture short. Luckily my sister can wear it.

Still waiting for my new items. hope it wont disappoint me. =))

TODAY IS CHRISTMAS EVE, TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS DAY, THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW IS BOXING DAY. Long holiday i got. =) i took off on fri, so Thur, Fri, Sat and Sun i dont need to go back to work =)) Cant wait for my PL0105C Class Chalet, im the planner dude!! Its kinda tough to be a planner when everyone is not co-operate with you. Hope the chalet will go fine!! PRAY HARD!

okie, i need to go back to work. =((

2008-12-18T08:57:00.004+08:00

I know its my fault for insulting him, for saying stuff which is hurtful, asking and demand for more, never satisfy, and even ask for compensation. But HELLO, I need some protection here for myself. You have hurt me so much and badly everyday. Cant i do something to protect myself, is that any wrong?

Now you said you want to end this. So be it!! But up till this time, you can actually still blame on everything, like from the start im a bad girl. I had enough of the pushing blame. If you cant even remember things i did for you, and forget the stuff you have hurt me badly and had made who i am today, so be it. Now you complain that why im like that, why im this and that. Then blame yourself for choosing me!!

Go ahead and tell the whole how bad i am. i dont really care anymore. i have enough of all the nonsense you have given me.

Now i dont even get it, why are you saying sorry when you ask for break up. Sorry for what. after hurting a person so many times, and have blame the person for 2 blardy days just b'cos she have moody day, instead of doing something better.

Guess, things will never solve as i will never give in and you as well will never give in. I still keep my word, money comes first!

Im not a money face person, but money is important to me now, after all this 2yrs of relationship had taught me.

2008-12-16T22:18:00.005+08:00

The moment has come. He mention the 'BREAK UP' for the very first time. Finally everything has come to an end. what will happen to us in future, no one will know. Probably we wont even meet. My whole body is full anger and hatred. Angry with myself for being so soft-hearted, Hate myself for forgiving him so many times. Chances given to him equal torture to me. I should have know he will never learn his lesson.

What happen today? i total agreed what i did was too far. But i was in a total bad mood due to many things, work, cramp and etc, and still want to provoke. Have he ever care?? maybe he did, only with his words. i tried to give in by going ahead with his plan, going to jurong point. I swear i never thought that jurong point is at boon lay, a placed i hated the most. So what if i give in to him? Will he see it? Im so stupid for being so blind to so many things. Now i totally agreed that he is not stupid, because the stupid ones was ME! To be fooled by him.

From the start we should have ended. From the time he dumped me for his friends, i should have know where i was in his heart. From the time he wasn't there for me when i needed him the most, i should have know that he will never loved me that much. From the time he break his first promised, i should have know that he is not the man who keep his word. For the first time he has disappoint me, i should have know that he will disappoint me again.

I once said to him that he dont love me at all. But he denied. Now the truth has really shown. Everything has come truth except for the happy ending i have been waiting for.

I really sad and depressed. Not because of him but it was because whatever i did, nothing has return. I did all i could, all my best! But why nothing is return. Someone once told me if you really put all your heart on something, miracle will happen. But why isnt it happen to me.

why must he hurt me so much. We know each other for about 3yrs, and we are together for for almost 2 year, 3more weeks to our 2YR anni. But up till now, he dont even know me, not even a understand me.

Things had to go to this bad??
THEN..
We shall not be friends, cos i cant find any reason to be friend with you.
We shall not contact, cos i have nothing to say to you.

We was once in love, and now we are totally stranger.

Did i asked for this??

2008-12-11T11:45:00.003+08:00

This is so interesting, so i decided to shared it.

A passionate kiss ruptured a young woman's eardrum in southern China, state media reported Monday, in what has been dubbed the "kiss of deaf".

The 20-something girl from Zhuhai city in Guangdong province was treated by hospital doctors after completely losing the hearing in her left ear, the China Daily reported, citing the Guangzhou Daily.

"The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear," the treating doctor, surnamed Li, was quoted as saying, adding the woman's hearing would likely recover in about two months.

The incident prompted newspapers to dispense kissing safety advice.

While kissing is normally very safe, doctors urge people to proceed with caution, the China Daily reported.

"A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in air pressure between the two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum," said the English-language Shanghai Daily in a story headlined "Kiss of deaf."

So next you want to have a passionate kiss better think twice before you lose your hearing. hahahahaa.

2008-12-07T20:54:00.006+08:00

I need to have a new live. and look for a better guy. thought we still talking and hanging out with each other, doesn mean things get better. today, i have been whole day at home, yesterday went to DB-O till 4am, super high and super fun!!! brought my indonasian cousin along.hahaa.
Today at home i have make a new 'BOYFRIEND CRITIERIA'. Its time to change to a new one. hahaha. i shall share it will you guys!! If there such person, please intro ME!!. hahaa. =))

2008-11-27T09:26:00.003+08:00

I always thought online shopping is convenient, but i was so wrong. Instead it was so troublesome. I've been waiting for my items for more than 3weeks. Only one dress i have received so far, but guess what?? IT'S A WRONG DRESS. now i have to spent them back the dress, and wait. worst dont even know whether they have stocks. ARG!! They just making me PISSED. dont know how to do your job properly, then dont follow people and open online shopping. DUMPER!!

Those online shop are fashion.babe live and ♣♥DreAms Fashi0n♥♣ from friendster.
DO NOT ORDER STUFF FROM THEM.

2008-11-21T10:54:00.004+08:00

Guys are the most scariest creature on earth.

They do things behind your back without you know. They never respect your privacy. You never know which of their words is true, and action can deceived you too. They will do whatever they can just to get you, but once they got you is another story (they act like beast). Sometimes the things they do are just so disgusting. And you will be shock when you found out of the things thay do to you.(in a bad way)

Have you ever wonder how many times have you said 'ILOVEYOU' to how many girls??

2008-11-19T17:02:00.003+08:00

Early this moring, i've received a msg from this girl called, Li Yun. She said she was Andy's girlfriend. (Andy is a guy from my work place and said he likes me before.). In the msg, she ask whether andy had confess to me and gave me flower? she said she wants the truth as Andy has cheated on him.

I was at a complete shock, i thot it was a prank call, but when i ask andre to call back the number, it was really her. And i saw her name before in Andy next to kin profile in my office. So i have no doubt and believed in her. I told her the truth of what Andy did for me. From buying to Buying food etc. I even told her that Andy once told me that he doesn has a girlfriend.

Honestly i feel sad for the girl when she told me that Andy had never give her a flower since the day they got together. She even told me that Andy says that i was ugly and lesbian that he wont fall for me. I was like WTH!!! what a idiot guy. Since when was i a les, i wish i could, but sadly to say i dont even attract to girls.

Now Liyun had confronted him, he admit his wrong. But guess what??? He still want to blame her for checking his phone. And still got the guts to say he love her still, but when she ask him, 'then why you still want to cheat on me?' He couldn answer. What a man without his balls.

Liyun really had make the right choice by leaving him. He doesn deserve her time and youth. She a smart and pretty girl, and i will always stand at her side. This guy is really useless. Feel so sad for his parents.

ANDY IS A FUCKING LIAR AND LOSER WHO ONLY KNOW HOW TO CHEART ON GIRLS. GIRLS OUT THERE, PLS BEWARE OF HIM.

2008-11-18T16:36:00.001+08:00

Wonder what's our status now?? Pending bgr? that is so weird.

Still in a confusion state.

2008-11-17T10:12:00.003+08:00

SATURDAY NIGHT WAS SO FUNNN!! I went malaysia with Shaun, Joel and Nicolas. They rented this china car, Chery. The car was damn LOUSY!! hahaa. But going malaysia, we only can rent lousy car, if not there's a high chance that the car will be stolen. We went there to eat the seafood, meet my friend's family in malaysia and shop. We went back to singapore quite early,6.30pm as we going club later at night. Didn have time for dinner, so went home get a quick bath, watch tv alittle while. and wait for the guys to fetch me up. =))

Headed to butter factory for the very first time. Get in for free as my friend is on the guest list. Everything seems fun when you're high. hahaa. but i didn drink much, but the drink contain lots of alcohol and shared only with 2 people. which is shaun and ME.hahaa. Dance like crazy and of cos UGLY. haha. Sweat alot and headed now to PLAY, a gay club. First time there too. WHOO!! GAYS ARE COOL AND CUTE!!! hahaa. now i was even more high. get to see guy kissing and smooching one another. haha. Wasted didn get to take a pic of it. but i did make some new gays friends. they are so handsome, wasted they are not guy. =(( but we can sistas. hahaha. nice knowing them and nice gossiping about guys with them.

Went home about 5am and still abit high and slightly drunk. cos i cant even walk properly thou i know whats going on. worst i cant even speak properly, which i dont even know what im trying to say or remember what i had said. hahaaa.

The next day, i woke at 11am. LISTEN AGAIN, ITS 11AM. hahaa. i only sleep for like 6 hours. and i cant go back to slp and i cant even move. My whole body was aching everywhere, hungry, thirsty, and was complaining to andre. I know i shouldn even contact him, but some how i just feel like telling him. I was msging Joel the whole morning and afternoon. And you guess what, he told me that _ H_ _ N actually brought lubicon and condom last night. He was actually planning to ....k me. Shouldn say much. it was too disgusting.hahaa Then Joel said that he actually spoiled ...'s plan by protecting, blah blah blah. i dont know whether to believe him anot as i only know joel that night. but its still better to play safe than not, and its funny. oh btw, PLEASE IM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL WHO YOU THINK I AM OKAY. if he really did that, i serious make sure he wont have his balls the next day. haha. seriously i dont what ... mind is thinking. GOSH. GUYS ARE SO DISGUSTING.

okay back to normal topic. Andre came to my house after he had lunch with his dad. Though i wish he didn come, but my heart still want him to. But when i saw him, i seriously hope that he didn come. So maybe i will hate him even more and now im in a confuse state. My heart when soft when i see him which i shouldn. I REALLY HATE MYSELF. SERIOUSLY!!! ARGGG! Why must he do this to me. i really trying very hard to forget him, but now i really confused. Why are we now, still bgr?? NO!! we CANT!! and i dont want to.. i dont want to get hurt again, i dont to believe you again. Maybe we could be friends for now. Maybe more than friend.

I STUCK IN A CONFUSION STATE.

2008-11-14T14:12:00.003+08:00

If I were a boy
Even just for a dayI’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a gir
lI swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…

YOU GO GIRL!!!

2008-11-12T12:51:00.007+08:00

I got even more angrier after reading his blog. What do you mean i have problem. Firstly, have you ever tot why i will reply you that hurtful msg, when you asking me how am i feeling?? The reason behind is, WHY SHOULD I TREAT YOU NICE. you knew that i was sick in the afternoon. yet you still want to go out with your friends and even got drunk. NVM. NO CALL, NO MSG from you the whole afternoon and evening. YOU CALL THAT CARING AND CORNING MSG WHEN I RECIEVED IT AT 10PM. Is that your concern and caring? This that what you call YOUR ACTION. Saying im not listening, why should i give you the chance to speak? Did you bother to call me before you meet you friend. Did you really know what i want that day. NO!! you dont and never will you. If not you also wont do this to me. and the $200? Am i asking much or little?? after all the things and the way you treat me. You got my leg injuried, nv even bother to bring me to the hospital straight after the fall, never even bother to do anything. Now i have a perm scar on my both legs, you only know how to buy a scar remover, and its after a long long time, a few months i can say. I have to even fought out my own money to pay for the medication, bandage and ect. which is more than $200. Then, I never even complaint once. How about the pain and suffering you have cause me?? This really show how much you really care for me. Your problem is even more than me, up till now you still didn notice. Touch your heart and say do i deserved more than $200?? I dont care whether you have money anot, cos thats not my problem. Blame it your action and yourself for turning this relationship nasty.

YOU HAS NO BALLS!!!

2008-11-12T10:10:00.003+08:00

Last month of today, is someone birthday. Everything was fine then. It will be great with everything is still the same. But i really cant forgive him this time round. What did i done to deserved all this. i've been asking myself that ever since that day. I put all my effort to built this relationship, how could he ruin my happiness. Anyway its over. I feel so lost now. Am i able to fall in love again?? Am i able to forget him totally? Time will tell me someday. I felt terrible to face this alone, as i cant tell my family or best friend, because im not ready to do so. Not because im still holding on him, but because they know how serious i took this relationship, and they trust him so much that my mom even help him sometimes. I agree is because they doesn know his weakness and I dont want to disppoint them.

Yesterday his friend try to talk to him about his wrong. And he said that andre knew his wrong and regretted about it. But he wasn. Yesterday, i been asking him to return the money he owe me which is $300 and my cousin $69. And he didn reply till midnight. He called, and start yelling at. Who is he to do that? He owe me money first, make me disapoointed and even heart break. And now has pushed me to the limit. Now he msg saying he is sorry about the yelling. FOR WHAT!!! He always do this, after hurting someone, he only say sorry or oh i really regret. FUK! Since you will regret, then when in the first place you want to hurt me. Its really pointless say all this. Cause i will still believe, if you really love a person, you will never make the person upset or hurt. And you will never leave her alone when she need you the most. So from what your action tells me, YOU NEVER LOVED ME THAT MUCH. is all your words said that you are but your action always do otherwise. This is so contradicting!!! And i will not believe any of your words.

Now he has no right to say whether im wrong or right. He even dont have the right to call me USELESS GIRL. But i have yes! He did yesterday thou i call him useless man first. But all i had said its all true about him. Im alr being kind enough for not call him a bastard. And for this i think i have made the right choice to leave him.

A beast will never change into handsome prince in the reality world. And HE is the BEAST. Like how i used to believe in fairytales, but now i have wake up my senses and face the reality.

Im left Alone, so cold!

2008-11-11T09:38:00.004+08:00

I have make up my mind and no matter what happen, i will face it myself. i need to be strong!!

Something terrible thing had happen yesterday. and i felt pain and dispointment.
I was sick yesterday, having a bad headache and stomach cramp. Hope for someone to care. Told him that i wasn feeling well, and waited for his call. But i recived no call throughout. Went to take my medicine, taking care of myself alone, fighting with the pain alone. Suddenly recieved a call from him. Hoping for something and realize it was his friend. It suppose to be a prank call. i heard the background is full of sound and seems like he was having fun with his friends. From what the friend say, most of the people there is drunk and HE is lying on the sofa. And when i hear this call, i am disppointed and depressed. WHO AM I TO HIM? came to my mind first. looking back i have given him many chances, and he doesn cherish it. THIS TIME IM NOT GOING TO LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. This incident has shown that he doesn care and irresponsible act. Now i really look down on him, and knowing with he this attitude, he will never succeed in life. So i have make up my mind to cut this off, and stop myself from suffering. I know i feel abit 'BU FU', because i work so hard for this relationship and he actually give me this in return. That why i seriously need alot of courage to overcome this. I know this is the hardest part, but i still have to end this for my own good.

IHATEHIM!!!

2008-11-10T14:47:00.004+08:00

I do angry when things doesn go my way. yup!! thats me. And if someone hurt me, i will hurt him double back. I know im being selfish. But i just cant stop myself for being like this. I dont know how to treat the person well, when they person dont even treasure or love me.

The feeling of being sick when nobody care is so bad and terrible. Worst. im now working. You said with all your words like you love me, ect. but when i told you that im sick, you never even show that you care. and still bother to go out with your friends. How am i going to believe and trust your words again?? I told you many many times, your words is more than your action, and you keep denying. Maybe oneday you will know it yourself, but i think by time its too late. You never learn your lesson.

I shall stop here, head still spinning. And i still got heart to heal.

2008-11-07T17:05:00.002+08:00

When will my luck change?? Im surprise today!! I really loved what you did for me yesterday lunch. If everyday is like yesterday, it will be great! Is always the little thing counts. I hope its not because i was angry yesterday then you do all this. I wish these things you do, will never stop.

-PROVE ME WRONG!

2008-11-06T09:09:00.009+08:00

I HATE KAM!!!! and im serious. i dont know why times and times you will hurt me, and time to time i had forgive you. But you never cherish it. and i dont know why. Am i not important to you?? then who am i to you?? i have so many question with no answer in my head. I really wish i could forgive you this time, but you still have to show something to prove that i can believe you this time. I dont wish to scold you everytime too. You think i really want to insult you or say anything that is rude? NO!! i never want too. Do you know, everytime i say those things, my heart too. But you really have make me think whatever i have done for you are useless. And i kinda regretted it now, which i should feel this way. Those days we never meet, i realise i actually dont miss you like how i used too. It surprise me. And i hope you could leave me alone, so i wont get hurt anymore.

To be honest, if you said i was mean, do you ever thought that you are meaner. Who have make me come to this way?? ITS YOU!!!! So blame yourself. I have done my part and i will not do it again.

I really want to know 'What is love?' By hurting the person times and times, does that call L-O-V-E??

- Trying to heal myself with my broken heart. Knowing it's painful, but i have to no matter what.

2008-11-05T12:23:00.011+08:00

I went online looking for camera and hp that i wanted to get. they have their advantage and disadvantage. Its so hard to decide which one is good. i dreaming of geting Sony T Series DSC-T700 (red) and Sony Ericsson W980. i love sony stuff, beside their product is good, their product are always stylish too. and i love it!!! hahahaa. $$$ please come and stay in my wallet and make sure you done leave!! :D

Isnt they sweet!!

2008-11-05T09:22:00.004+08:00

YUP! I've changed my skin. Sorry dude, no tag. still trying to insert tag. oh man. I've throw away everything i've learn in ITE. hahahaa. Will do some improvement soon.

i just bought a few clothes online. thanks to shaun's help for the paypal, and of cos andre for donating $100 to me. whahahaa. $$$ makes your world go round. In total i spent $220. Can you imaging i spent like $59 just on postage. i think i was con by the person. It's kinda of pissed when i say i want to change it to meet up instead of postage, but she insist of posting. Giving so many excuses just make me pissed off. But i really like these item. Cant she just close opne eye by seeing me buying so many items from her???? Why kind of service is this!!!

The item i bought:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Andre has msg me this yesterday. after we talk on the phone

A: I know i am a bad boyfriend but i will be more responsible prson. Action is what i have to show. You have taught me lots of things to treasure someone. I thank you all this while and open my eyes.

No matter how much you says or do, you can nv change my view on you. Maybe sometimes and a very long one. I will still believe 'leopard will never changed its spots'. So many days i have given you, and it now, you still the same. how would i believe again?? People has to move on still and expect for a better. We all cant stay the usual-self, if not we will be way behind of the society. And the fact is, i got no confident in this relationship. Nobody will know what will happen in future, and im afraid of the future too.

2008-11-04T15:22:00.008+08:00

Will things go back the same??? i doubt so. All the things that had happen, i just cant forget. i really wish i could trust you again, but i cant bring myself to do that (to prevent myself from getting hurt). i may treat you like fling now, but who knows what the future will become. maybe this way will be better for us or maybe you will get someone better. I have enough of suffering, and i believe i will stand up again soon, back to the same old me. These days im quite depressed and stress. But soon the sunshine will be back. i believe. I been telling myself to be strong. and i will be. God, will give me the light someday, and will guide me thru the light.

No Worries! I will still smile and i will always will, even if my heart is in pain.

Believe that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Believe that you may be that light for someone else. --Kobi Yamada

2008-10-30T11:35:00.005+08:00

Final dicision have made. I WILL NV COMMIT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. maybe i will just commit what a bestfriend would do for now. But i will still look for my long lost happiness. Its time for me to step back alittle. A little advise, I will look more on action rather than word, and im currently very sensitive. i dont except even a little mistake. so think twice when you said, you love me. Its a strong word.

Diet??? YES!! i think i need to change my diet and even my whole entire life. Its time for my to spend more time for myself. you may think im some loner? but im not. i found a new friend, and that's me!! okie. Diet plan. i shall eat less and rest more.

Breakfast: heavy breakfast.

Lunch: something light.

Dinner: moderate.

Whenever hungry, eat FRUITS!!

-control in mind, heart and soul.

Sleeping time: before 1130am (min 7 hours of slp)

- friends pls dont contact me after 1130. thanks

swimming once a week / sit-up everyday.

result: back to 40kg in 2months time. say bye bye to dark circle.

Aim: hot body like her. hahahahaha. she's hot. *drooling.

2008-10-29T16:41:00.002+08:00

Disappointment after disappoint. how long do i have to 'tahan'. i have make the dicision, and you pull me back. and now you push me down the hround. im confuse about your feeling. Your words is there, but how about your action. im not asking for material, im just asking love. i have given you alot of chance, and have done what a girlfriend should. isn that enough?? why do you have to hurt be times and times.

you still dont know the full me. i haven tell you all the story. i dare not see , hear and even speaks. Im so afraid to commit so much, cause i got no confident what will happen next. im just a lady in a small dark box, that look for a light.

*Woman are once an angel in heaven, when they met the man they love, they are like a broken wing bird.

2008-10-24T10:09:00.003+08:00

Me myself and I by Beyonce

I can't believe I believed everything we had would last
So young and naive of me to think she was from your past
Silly of me to dream of one day having your kids
Love is so blind it feels right when it's wrong

I can't believe I fell for your schemes I'm smarter than that
So dumb and naive to believe that with me you're a changed man
Foolish of me to compete when you cheat with loose women
It took me some time but now I moved onBecause I realized I got

Chorus
Me, Myself and I that's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And there ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend

Repeat
So controlling to say that you love me but you don't
Your family told me one day I would see it on my own
Next thing I know I'm dealing with your three kids in my home
Love is so blind it feels right when it's wrong

Now that it's over stop calling me come pick up your clothes
Ain't no need to front like your still with me all your homies know
Even your very best friend try to warn me on the low
Took me some time but now I am strong
Because I realized I got

Me, Myself and I that's all I got in the end
That's what I found out
And there ain't no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I'm gonna be my own best friend

Bridge
Got me, myself and I
(I know that I will never disappoint myself)
I must have cried a thousand times
(All the ladies if you feel me help me sing it out)
I can't regret time spent with you
(Yeah you hurt me but I learned a lot along the way)
So I have vowed to make it through
(After all the rain you'll see the sun come out again)

Bridge
Now I've got me, myself and I
(I know that I will never disappoint myself)
I must have cried a thousand times
(If ya cried a thousand times ladies you will survive)
I can't regret time spent with you
(Yeah, ya hurt me but I learned a lot along the way)
So I have vowed to make it through
(I can see the sunshine, I got Me, Myself and I)

me: i must be stronger than before. =))

2008-10-23T16:14:00.002+08:00

still considering whether i have made a right choice. Its hard to forgive someone but for your love ones? Why everytime, i have made my dicision, and make up my mind to stand up on my own. You will somehow come and look for me. You know my weakness, and stay away for it. Why must i be so soft-hearted. i hate myself for that. i know im gonna regret this dicision. But i still walk myself to the danger zone, and i just cant stop myself. WHY WHY WHY!?!?

2008-10-22T12:42:00.002+08:00

Me to Him,

Sitting beside you, staring into your eyes
my stomach does a flip and my heart cries.
I don't think I should be feeling, like I am today
because every time you touch me, our love just melts away.
I know you'd do anything, to keep me by your side
but I'm not feeling the same, and I don't know why.
It used to be that every time you touched me I felt like flying,
but today I'm feeling strange. I feel like our love is dying.
So the hardest part now, is for me to figure out
if today will last forever, or am I just having doubts.
Saying goodbye will be too hard, I already know.
I've already figured out that it’s hard to let people go.
I guess you could call me confused, because it’s obvious that I must be.
I guess I could wait for you, but I'd only be hurting me.
So until you're in my shoes, and know just how I feel,
Don't call me crazy, because you don't know the deal
I just want you to get the picture, that its my heart to break
and if I've done the wrong thing, then I'll learn from my mistake.
So I'm trying my hardest, I'm going to say goodbye,
its hurts for me to keep it in, but it hurts to see you cry.
So once again, here I am, not knowing what to do.
I don't want to hurt me, but it seems worse to be hurting you,
so I guess I’ll just hold on, it’ll try to keep it in
maybe this feeling I have today, wont ever come again.

2008-10-22T11:59:00.002+08:00

I know fairytales are all imaginary story to pull the kid from the reality. and i think i have believe and have put myself in to the fairytale land, that i doesn want to come back from the reality. When will my prince come and pull me away from the darkness of this world. i have asked myself many times. I know its childish and weird to think like this. But i still cant stop myself to think that way. Im too tired of life, that all the time i dont even want to wake up and face the reality. I know there is many beautiful thing in this world, but im strengthless to do or see the beautiful thing.
Sometimes, i dont even know what wrong with me. I just cant control my emotional and mentality. Everything seems to be in a mess. Relationship, school, work, EVERYTHING. There's is nothing left to make me happy. No one will understand me or make it a Never. Facing the world is so tough. Everyday putting a fake smile on my face, no one will even know there's a crack in the heart.
Now all my heart are shatter into pieces. and had given out to everyone, and left none for myself. Where can i find someone who i can lean on with no stress, headache, bodyache and put on a real smile everyday. This is all i ask for.
Responsible, Attentive, Hardworking, Honest = Prince = NEVER COME TRUE.

Here i am trying to fix my heart as hard as a steel. So it will be pain-proof. So nobody could hurt me or break my heart, no matter how hard they try. Keep telling myself to strong and believe i can do it. This mean, i have to be a selfish person, never to myself deep into a relationship, never to commit, never believe in anyone and yourself, running away from all the truth and world.

Marching to my darkness of life...

2008-10-21T09:38:00.001+08:00

A peom from me to you: <3

You have given me a second chance in lifeSometime before you I couldn't cop with the strifeYou've given me that love I dreamed of foreverHappiness I been united with now that we're togetherYou've touched my heart so deeply with your gentle touchTo world I will never deny that I love you so muchWords can't explain how thankful I am of youYou have brought my smiles to overcome my blueThe moments that we have shared the memories we makeI promise your heart won't shatter or even breakMy world has changed forever now that you are hereI miss you so much when you are not nearI've opened up my everything to you because I trust youThe more comfortable I am with anything we go throughThe love you and I share has made us one wholeYou have made my life complete from once an empty soulYou will always be the guy who will stand out from the restI'll never forget each memory that you made the bestForever in my heart baby with this love I'll always keepI'll always have you in my heart even when I'm asleep.

Hope you will like it, cos i love it. =))

2008-10-20T10:38:00.004+08:00

I dont mind giving you one last chance. Please do treasure this. I will trust you, Believe in you for this very last time. I really love you, but please dont make this love into hatred. I really dont wish that day will come. My biggest wish is that you will get successful. I do agree my expectation on you are high, but pls accept it and go for it. If one's expectation is not high, there wont have space for improvement. Take your time, but do work hard on it. Dont and stop finding excuse to cover up your mistake and beinf lazy, instead use those time to work on your mistakes. And it's time to wake up and be responsible for your act. I know its easy to say, but hard to be done. But i know you are a strong person, and can overcome all obstacle. And if you work hard, you will definitely reach the highest point.
. i love you

2008-10-16T16:17:00.001+08:00

Men are like dogs when it comes to sex because they forget about their lover an hour after being intimate with them. - Hollywood legend Jack Nicholson

2008-10-16T15:57:00.005+08:00

We quarrel again and again. Should everything comes to an end? i dont know. You hurt me enough. this time, i really dont know how am i going to forgive you. You never show a bit of respect to me. Telling your dad about me, is so out of the way. Please, i never even said bad word about you infront of my mom. And there's no reason for you to put me into the story. Your dad scold but is none of my business. When are you going to learn to be responsible for your own action and be mature. For god sake, you just reach 20, it time for you to grow up. You are no longer a kid.

I think in my whole entire life, i will never find a person who will treat me well or truely love me. Why am i always taking care of people. im too tired, i might breakdown oneday. No-one will actually care about me even if i die. Im such a lousy bitch. I know it myself, i know dont deserve anyone love. But pls stay away from me if you dont love me. Why you ppl have to be so evil, to break people's heart again and again. Is that your job or what.
Everything has torn into pieces, even glue can never help.

Shoulder is getting heavier each day, will you carry me if i fall??

2008-10-15T16:56:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i feel it's so hard to handle both. You dont know which to go with or side? as both are placed the same in your heart. they are your boyfriend and best friend. Even you want to ask them out together, one might not agree. and if you go out with one of them, your heart just seems to be with the other person. Things seem to be easily said but hard to do. I used to say if im in the relationahip, i will know how to handle both. But now, im in a mess. I dont which one one to choose, afraid the other party is not happy about it. Yes! they said its okie. But you will nv know whats deep down them. I believe they wasn happy, cos if me i will be very disappointed and sad. And i really want to say SORRY to this person. she did alot of things for me, always there for me, even when i have a boyfriend. She always so understanding, and never complain when im not there for her. I really love her alot. She is other than JOANNE TEE SHIYI. BIG HUG and KISSES to her. What can i do to repay her? NOTHING. She done to much for me, and i owe her alot. I only can pray for her and help her find her HAPPINESS! Cause no matter what, i really want her to be happy!!!

2008-10-14T16:30:00.003+08:00

I really hate people when they only know how to talk, but no action done. then whats the point of saying it, and for god sake, this isn the same time. and not my first time saying it. For example, you said that you care for me, but yet when i need you, you wasn there. Afterall action really speaks louder than word. and little bits does matter too. It can really show how important the person are. And of course, you will only do the best for the person you love. If you just blarely used word but no action, it really show, the person does not matter to you. Maybe its time for you to learn that. If not, those who love you will very sad.

2008-10-13T10:19:00.005+08:00

oh man. still cant find any nice skin yet. still trying to look for one. this current skin is too boring.

Yesterday was andre's birthday. Finally i gave him the present (Aerospoke rim). What is that? dont ask, cos i have no idea too. i only know its a rim for a bike. nothing cool about it. but is quite costly. But for your love ones, price isnt a problem. i mean you still can saved the money, and earn it back. If money could buy a person smile or surprise, even it is expensive, it still worth everything. so yes!! i bought it for him with his friend's help to export it from HK. When he open the present, my heart was like bumping so fast. cos im excited too, wonder how will he react. But his reaction was so big that i got a shock, but happy. =)) He open the present, and go "crazy!!" and said OH MY GOD!! hahahaa. okie. i think im exaggerating. but it's true. Hee..

Andre and i suppose to meet Ivan and Sheryl at 6pm but we still at home, so change it to 7pm but we are still late. and ivan was not happy about it, and is understandable, cos if i were him, i will flare up too. We had dinner at this hotel (beside DFS @ Orchard). The buffet doesn not have attractive food. so didn eat much and of cos it doesn worth the money. im not a buffet person. i realise my mouth doesn like expensive food. hahahaaa. its a good things okie!! we headed for our movie after dinner. almost fall alsleep during the movie. i wont say its a bad show, but pls dont watch when you are tired, you really will doze off. Later, went to a bar to have some drink and have our long conversation till 3am and we have to leave, cos the bar is closing. We went sperate ways, and andre and i are going home... Its a long day. parents went to KL, sis went to her bf's house, so the house is all MINE!!! YAY! hahaa. *peaceful night =D Love today, thou andre and i have some conflict in the evening. but everything okie now. thank god.

On sunday, have a great breakfast cum lunch with andre. He cook while i doing housework. Its been long since i do housework, for the first time im perspirer alot when doing housework. But everything pays off when eating home cook food from your love ones. He left later, to go back to his house to changed and wash up. He came to my house again to fetch me and have dinner together with his family at YUM CHA. Its a buffet again, but it was so much better than yesterday, and it CHEAPER!!! as usual the dad fetch me home later, thanks uncle. thank you aunty for the dinner.
*still will feel ps when going out with his family.

MY PARENTS IS BACK FROM MALAYSIA. boring.....

2008-10-10T14:56:00.007+08:00

Why does guy always asking girl to slim down? Did they actually thought that they are FAT too. Whats wrong eating our favourite food thou they are oily, fatty. Cant they just enjoy the chubby character in the girl. Or love the way they are and appreciate the beauty in them. Big size people can be beautiful too. Beauty does not only include curves, breast, face, legs. I dont know why guys only crazy over these things and neglected the chacacter. These things will change eventually as time goes by. People will grow old and the body wont be the same again. But true they can always find someone new and young. In total, there's no true love like how those fairy tales are. Its quite sad actually as for me, as im a girl. and of cos i will still think of those fairl tales. who dont unless you're not a girl. hmmm. but nvm, i except the reality that there's no true love in this earth. People are getting more selfish each time. Even if you are nice, there's definitely a motive in there.

2008-10-09T11:16:00.003+08:00

WHEEE!! im back. Im so sorry. Why?? Its because i actually forgotten about my blog, even the name of it. im serious. haha. Now when i go thru those previous post, i realize its been a YEAR since i blog. okie, i promise i will come in more often now but only during my office hour. hahaa. this is the only to kill your time when you are bored in the office.

There's so many things i have done in this pass one year. And i should just make it short. I got my driving and diving license. Im now working in the starhub as admin. diploma is undone. wasted alot of my time and money. bought my new blades. had my short fringe but it grew back. make new friends. many many up and downs. still in love with him and joanne. temper becoming worst. had a new hobby. and starting to read story book.

ITS TIME TO CHANGE THE SKIN. *still searching.

New life has begun...

2007-09-01T19:49:00.000+08:00

Breath in, hold your breath and let it out.

all the beautiful seem to be just yesterday. but it always the opposite.

telling myself everything gonna be alright. kept lying to myself, make up my own picture to cover up everything. i believe in everything you say, but the next thing i found out it was just all lies. Everything you do is sweet and nice, but everything is fading. im so scared my beautiful picture will broke into pieces. Swallow me then spit me out. For that i hate you but I blame myself.

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life. kept telling myself to be strong. but i cant take it anymore. the fact is my heart never that strong as it seen. i cant lie to myself anymore. when are this going to end??

2007-07-08T15:03:00.000+08:00

are we meant to be together? sometimes i just doubt our relationship. i everytimes feel that i was placed way behind your friends, in your heart.
my nightmare keep repeating in my dream. how i wish i can delete away my worst memories. and it keep remind me those things that make me disappointed. and im really are. you keep brealing thye promised you made to me. times and times, you make me distrust you sometimes. i wanna to tell you how i feel. but HOW? everyday you're meet up with your friends. we dont even have our time alone. SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME. i dont do that. maybe it time to end this!!

2007-06-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

i just like the lyrics. and this is meant for you; i dont care whether you will see it anot.

ASHLEY TISDALE LYRICS

Be Good To Me

Everyday is getting worse
Do the same things and it hurts
I don't know if I should cry
All I know is that I'm tryin'
I wanna believe in you
I wanna believe in you
But you make it so hard to do

What's the point of makin' plans
You break all the ones we had
I don't know where we went wrong
Cuz we used to be so strong
I wanna believe in you
I wanna believe in you

So why can't you be
Be good to me

I don't ask for much
All I want is love
Someone to see
That's all I need
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Good to me
Good to me
Can you be good to me
Good to me
Please

I used to think I had it all
Then one day we hit a wall
I had hoped you were the one
Where's my dream, where has it gone
I wanted to be with you
Forever just me and you

So why can't you be
Be good to me

I don't ask for much

All I want is love
Someone to see
That's all I need
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Good to me
Good to me
Can you be good to me
Good to me
Please

Where do I go from here
You've gotten under my skin
And I don't know how
To get out of this place that I'm in

I don't ask for much
All I want is love
Someone to see
That's all I need
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Somebody to be
Good to me
Good to me
Can you be good to me
Good to me
Please

I don't ask for much
All I want is love
Someone to see
That's all I need
Somebody to be
Someone to be
Somebody to be
Good to me
Good to me
Can you be good to me
Good to me
Please

2007-05-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

this passage is so nice!

Man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."The wife responded, Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you

2007-04-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

treasure and happy with what you got! i find it quite nice, so i decided to post it!

David Marshall in 1994:

I've got nothing against money. I'd like to have money myself! I'd like to have a house and a garden and dogs and a car and a chauffeur but, look, I've got a flat. I've got a swimming pool attached to the flat. I've not even got a car but I use taxis. I have a dignified way of life without being wealthy.

I don't see the necessity of owning a Mercedes-Benz and a swimming pool and a couple of mistresses. I think we've got our values all wrong.
You know $96,000 a month for a Prime Minister and $60,000 a month for a minister. What the hell do you do with all that money? You can't eat it! What do you do with it? Your children don't need all that money.

My children have had the best of education. In fact, I'm very proud of them. One of them is a senior registrar to two major hospitals in Oxford. Another of them is a consultant in European law to the Securities and Investment Board in the United Kingdom. They've had their education. There are no complaints.

I never earned $60,000 a month or $90,000 a month. When I was Chief Minister, I earned $8,000 a month.Look, what is happening today is we are encouraged to and are becoming worshippers of the Golden Calf.

We have lost sight of the joy and excitement of public service, helping our fellow men. The joy and excitement of seeking and understanding of the joy of the miracle of the living the duty and the grandeur. We have lost taste for heroic action in the service of our people.

We have become good bourgeois seeking comfort, security. It's like seeking a crystal coffin and being fed by intravenous injections through pipes in the crystal coffin; crystal coffins stuck with certificates of your pragmatic abilities.

2007-04-20T02:19:00.000+08:00

some people live for fortune, some people live for happiness. some people wants diamond ring, some people just dont want anything. so what you do you live for? and what do you really want in life? HAVE YOU EVER WONDER?

2007-04-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

my mood is quite low today. kinda confuse. seeing people going school just make me feel like going school too. alothough study is my worst interest. but going school is so much fun beside studying. where shld i go next? what course, what school shld i go? so dissapointed that i cant go poly. im so LOST! andre is still in army. ARHH!! what am i thinking? must JIAYOU!!! cant fall down at this kind of time. im still young, still got a long way!! WEE! gonna cheer myself up.

2007-04-07T13:21:00.000+08:00

im pissed with something, but i still cant figure out what im i pissing about. the day doesn't seem good to me. i just found out i didn get into poly. what should i do next.

2007-04-06T03:21:00.000+08:00

its like years since i UPDATE my blog.hahaha.been too busy to update.or i can say i got a boring life.=)
sometimes life just dont go your way.and you need to vent it on something.
but family and friends are too busy to lend you a listen hear.
so here you go blog.

do ever wonder why man and woman are seperated? one at the MARS and the other is at the VENUS. why they are not the same yet they can be in love? MARS will never understand VENUS; VENUS will never understand MARS. and thats the fact. and again, they're in love.
i think im talking nonsense.
how i wish there are MARS that stay in the VENUS and understand them. so they know what the VENUS is thinking, so VENUS and MARS wont be so tired. and wont fought over small little stuff. and maybe the universal will have peace.

how i wish there's a machine can get to know what the other party is thinking about. or maybe a book that talks all about MAN and WOMEN. everything in detail. maybe that wont make life so diffcult.

now i feel so confuse. this is all i can said.

2007-01-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

TODAY WAS DAMN SUAI DAY! and i dont know why. was actually rushing work cos i was going to late all because of the heavy rain. and my ezlink got no money. so i was planning to use 55cent instead the adult fare cos i got not enough coin. i manage to pass through when taking the 63bus. but i fail when i take 15. uncle ask to check my ezlink.and im so stupid to show uncle my ezlink. so he check, and found out that the ezlink is overdue. and wanna confiscate it. and i was like wtf! so i had a conflict with the stupid uncle.and he refuse to listen to me and refuse to return my ezlink card back to me.and at the same time i was late and have to drop down. if not i oso dont know when i will stop quarrel with the uncle althought i know i was in the wrong to put 55cent.but WHO CAREs!hahahaa.
so i went work with a PISSED face.and started to complain to my colleague and coffee bean's friends.hahaa.thank god they are there to let me vain my anger.and finally im cool down.haha.and later at night, another big trouble! i have to wash the waffle machine like mad, cos the boss wanna put the coating, so have to clean it up until all the black thingy came off. so it took me the whole day to do it.when im done. and doing the clearing up.i accidentally drop the whole blander for the milkshake and break it. so now i have to buy a new one using my own money.ARHH!! why am i having such a worst day ever!!!! what did i have done???? someone tell me!!

2007-01-02T00:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR. have to say a good bye to 2006. good year ahead! cant wait! hahaa. oh gosh.now have to think of a new resolution. my new resolution is to spend life with the fullest.hahahaa.so how bout you all? think whats ur resolution alr? better think fast and better do it.hee.

2006-12-03T01:27:00.000+08:00

when come to think of it.time times pastes that we didn even notice. 2 years ago i was just only 16. and now im 18. and going to grad from ITE of i manage to pass. and next i have to think where to go. hate it! have to make new friends again. and gonna miss my schoolmates and classmates. dont even know whether will we still meet up. i hope so. dont even know where i will be going. Oversea? now i believe TIME is really PRICELESS. and some memories only can keep it inside your heart. no matter what you can go back. the youth, the fun, the childish things we did. gonna miss you all and same as for my sec schoolmates.

love ya!

2006-11-11T13:42:00.000+08:00

i didn know i will get to play today.until the briefing. finally i got to play today, but only for one game. vs with NYP. and partern is joanne.hee. got abit of confident but too nervous. one of my opponents is strong la.blardy hell.haha. and was to favour that i cant serve. when the game start, they were aiming me. omg i can die alr.hahaa. loss confident and more nervous but i still trying to make myself calm. but in the end we lost. i did alot of mistake. maybe im not suppose to play in the tournament. nvm. at least i try althought not all the best. if i really try all my best, i won't make so many mistake. damm it.

2006-11-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

IM PISSED PISSED PISSED!!
i feel like was being cheated TODAY.
i really hate SHAN AND BEVERLY TAN.
they are just another stupid LIAR!
on msn, i told bev that i might not be able to leave the same time as them and might be late, cos of my phase test. but she say that i might be playing in this match(vs RP).and if i dont play today i might not have any chance to play. so i try to talk to my teacher whether i can postpone my phase test date to another date cos i will be playing in the tournament.
blardy hell.
end up in TP. my name was not called. i was damm pissed! honestly. i feel like i was being cheated, and come all the way for nothing. and i have to give up my phase test time. i rather do my test then going there and waste my time, anyway i cant play tennis what. and wasting my energy to bring tennis racket and stuff. DO YOU KNOW HOW HEAVY IT WS ANOT! and actually i dont mind im not playing, seriously. but dont give ppl hope. and until the end, you give ppl empty hope.
and now shan say that she will see my performance on wed and will decide whether she will be putting me to play. MY ASS! i dont think she will lo. SHAN HAS LIE TOO MUCH THAT MAKE ME DONT TRUST HER ANYMORE. and i really thought i will play today though i wasn't good in my serve. and she always say she will this and that, but end up oso nv do. or say our attitude suck.why not look back to herself and compare with other school coach, you can consider as slacker. or some coach who cheat school money.come on la. you also dont really train us. poly actually train 3 times a week and you, once a week. and also dont really feed us with balls. only know seat down there and call us rally and stuff. and say brush ur ball up put the ball in. true! we didn put our ball in. but you? never even coach. just earning free money. and we blardy hell pay you, but you teach us shit. poly didn even have pay. and since you say our attitude suck, but i think yours worst. instead of supporting ur players you demoralize them before match. what kind of coach are you la!

trying to cool myself!!

2006-10-25T00:55:00.000+08:00

its been a month, i didn update my blog.hahaa.too lazy and cant be bother much. lots of things happen, there always up and down as how normal life usually had. holiday just over, and school start. project resume.

anyway i just updating cos im pissed. MY HARDDISK IS DEAD! it might be just a normal hdd, but it holds alot of important data and some are not belong to me. and i just bought it less then a year. now i dont even know how to inform my mother.and is not spoil by my own hand. ARH!!! it drop becos someone just knock it down when i saving my file. SO SWAY!!! and kanna becksector(hope i didn spell wrongly). and if you study IT, you shld know once hdd spoil its hard to get repair.
but all must thanks to someone, although you not on purpose.hee!

2006-09-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

i got this feeling but i dont know why i have. we like having a wall between us. i felt that you dont trust me the way you do last time. or maybe you nv had. you seems like you never tell me much things anymore.or you dont want to tell me. i really dont know. maybe is i think too much. but you dont worry, those things you told me last time, i will keep in heart and seal my lips. anyway. no matter what happen, i will be there for you. i promise. if there's anything i can help, i will help with all my heart.
i really hope nothing will happen between us!

2006-09-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

what a great month. i got my new HP - 800i, nike bag, a top, register for driving. all done.and time to stop all the fun and have to control my money tide.cause im seriously broke.damm blardy broke.how i wish i was a millonair for once.
life is kinda of weird. every morning, i will say hi to this uncle whose my neighbour ever since i was born, but now i cant say a hi anyhow not even a smile. he had pass away with a cancer. and he died when i came back home. i was so fucking shock. and i felt so sad and like something is missing though he doesn have any blood relation with me.but at least got a feeling like a close neoghbour.and he see me grow up.hope he go peacefully.

2006-09-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

i just found out i hate myself alot. nothing i did was good. why i never treat thing seriously.maybe it time for me to change. but i dont know when? i serious want to improve myself. i think im a failure. i also dont know why im being nagative. ARHH!!! I AM SO ANGRY, SO PISSED!!!!!

*i just want to vent my anger HERE!nothing else.so dun tink im trying to gain sympathy.

2006-08-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

SICK AGAIN!!i in need of a healing potion.can someone just give me a potion.have to go school thought im sick.cause my group is having presentation today.and blardy hell.I GOT NO VOICE.you how jialiat isit.but nvm, i still overcome it.haha.go home have to take cab.its raining heavily.and no more stregth to go take bus home.and you guess what.the cab uncle forgot to on the meter.hahaa.so he charge me 8 dollar.i oso dunneo whether i kanna cheater.but cant be bother.rest at home from 230 to 8pm.and whole body aching.GOD PLEASE HELP ME!
I WANT MY VOICE BACK!!

2006-08-28T13:58:00.000+08:00

I HATE PEOPLE WHO COPY AND PASTE PEOPLE PICTURE WITHOUT PERMISSION. I KNOW INTERNET GOT NO PRIVACY. BUT THE PERSON IS YOUR FRIEND, YOU CAN ASK FROM THEM, WHY ON EARTH YOU MUST COPY AND PASTE.ITS SO STUPID AND SOUND SO PERVERT!!!

2006-08-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

head burning.headache.body aching.cough.flu.oh man.like im dying.and still dunneo i can get off? hope i can get off. wanna slp oso cnt slp.god help me!!

2006-08-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

wake early the morning to meet joanne for lunch at swissotel.is my treat for her birthday.joanne took cab to my house to fetch me and went straight to the resturant.whoo.the food is damm shiok!!YUMMY!!the view is spectacular!after food.went to shop around at raffles place to suntec that area to orchard and shop.joanne bought her body shop stuff.and i bought a nike bag and a bobbie brown concealar.hee =) supposely wanna buy slipper but dun have my size.but nvm!!next time lo.shop till quite late bout 7pm and have to meet my cousin at 7.so we faster rush down to joanne house to put stuff, while joanne bath,i touch up my make up.and so we took a cab to meet my cousin at orchard. have our dinner and shop around again and off to the club after that.actually going MOS.but cos of my cousin friend want to go zouk.so we went since all of us nv been there.OMGG.is the worst club i ever been.the song SUCK!!!dunneo what song they playing oso.cant even dance with those song.so we all like retarded, just stand there and see people dance.btw those ppl dance so funny.haha.we went to toilet.and we settle down outside the toilet for awhile since there got a sit for us.and i notice that i lost joanne jacket.the problem is i neo where i left it.the next moment i go find, it cant be found anymore.whose the blardy asshole who steal it la.jacket oso wan to steal.so we check with the security but still cant found.curse the person sia [im so sorry JOANNE!!i neo the jacket is priceless and no matter what i cant return, even i pay you or get a new one.] after that we went back to the club.and they still play the same song. so we stand and chit chat.the next moment, a guy offer us his drink, cos his friend is drunk and still left a big gulp.and nv touch it at all.and ask whether we want. and my cousin agree for no reason.and since my cousin agree, we ask her to be the guinea pig.so she drink first.but me and jo still dare not drink.haha.but in the end we still nv get the drink.and got our own drinks.after not long, we find the place quite boring, and so we headed to MOS.but the queue is like so long.and the time is bout 2 plus.and we give up.so we went to TCC to chill out.after all is fun!!and NEVER GO ZOUK ANYMORE!!hahaha.

JOANNE: sorry i neo that i spoil your mood.but still hope you enjoy your day!

picture

start of the journey

our food

depression?

she loves chocolate and i loves strawberry!

the view from our table.

` tai tai in toilet

in the lift!

we both in love with the wall!

outside zouk

outside the toilet

our drink! cheers!

2006-08-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

lesson start 10am from today onward on monday!isnt that GREAT!!can get longer sleep mean longer dream.haha.today lesson oso end early due to nafa.but cause of nafa make me go home late.hope i would get a GOLD which i nv had it before.but what i neo i try all my best with my own hand!so it dosen matter oso.hee.actually can go home early.but cos of my friends.they playing pool.so wait for them and learnt abit.haha.and im so hungry cos of the 2.4km run.went to have a heavy dinner at C1.yummy. i done with my first mask. my first time doing mask.its so fun!hahaha.great time!

2006-08-13T23:08:00.000+08:00

having work today.and got a new girl working with me. finally venezia hired ppl.if not i still have to work alone in the morning and on a weekend, where lots of ppl.now theres a helping hand.after work.bought joanne present and my mother's present.joanne bday is on 16 and my mother on the 17. the date so near.anyway have to rush home and bath and get a quick change.cos going to celebrate my mother early birthday at 'JADE' resturant in fullerton hotel.the food there is nice. i thought the food will come in those big big plate and everyone share.end up is individual portion.haha.so high class. before that we went to see firwework which is 9pm.and i meeting joanne at 10pm.and i cant let joanne wait alone.so i decided to ask her to join us for dinner.hee.after dinner we walk around the place and have alots of fun.and supposely we going to clubbing but my cousins is at home and her sister ask her to stay at home.if not it would be more fun.

gift to my mother from me! its a SKll product.

having dinner

an apple a day, keep the doctor away.

whats wrong with our eye!

after dinner

what's with the board!

we love the cow!

i won the game! and he propose to me!BHB!!hahaha

so we live happily ever after!and left joanne!

fun day we had!!

2006-08-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Cultivate your sense of humor; laughter is a shortest distance between two people.
Do not seek so much to be consoled, as to console;
do not seek so much to be understood, as to understand
do not see so much to be loved as to love.

2006-08-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

080806

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MERVYN! having a birthday party for him.went to have dinner after school celebration.and i was late.cos i overslpt.haha.sorry.after dinner, decide to go see fireworks. but then the group was too big.and took alot of time to travel there.haha.so we are late for the fireworks.but we still manage to see the last part.thank god sia.haha.and plus my sister got video it.we bought alcohol and chill out at the explande and played true or dare.it was like shit and funny come embarrass.hahaa.but still have lots of fun!

090806

IT'S NATIONAL DAY! more firework to see.haha. was rushing to swiss hotel. and not in the mood to go cos something happen in the family, and because of that i didn really dress well.just a tee shirt and jeans.and i notice there's handsome and pretty girls.whoo!hahaha.the view is damm nice.and the food not bad too.after that shop around raffle place and i bought a skirt.shopping just makes a girl feels good.haha.

2006-08-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

this are the update of picture taken on the 'Cousin sentossa trip'

Start of the journey

the fun we had and making new friends with kids

end of the journey!

2006-08-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

thanks you joanne.i love you so much.thanks for waking me up. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

i know i might be nice.i just dun wanna to make the environment weird.that why i keep slient and play along with you all. but sometimes please know the line.dun go overboard.i say stop it means stop, i already try to say it in a nice way. i nv show my temper doesn mean can let you all play me like a FOOL! you all may think that im too dumb or worst then a bimbo. but im sorry, you wrong. way too wrong.cause i going to prove that im not.even thought im bad in my study or in anything i do. but i know what im doing. and i know whose bad who is not. dun tink i dunneo what you all are thinking. it just that i didn say it out.and i cant be bother.and its going to graduate, and im looking forward to it.

2006-07-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just hate what i am now.but sometime i feel im lucky.i felt that my life is getting boring.i was being stop from doing my own personal stuff.i even cant make my own choice on whether to watch tv or using computer instead i only can use it in the dark.deep inside i just feel like keep running away from the cage.HATE it being LOCK!please im not a bird im a human.and no one can hold back my life.sometimes i just hope i can grow older and mature but sometimes i just want to a kids!
i heard the phase at the chinese radio station.God is unfair in a way but he is alway fair in TIME.in the way that, he make some people pretty and some people ugly.some people tall and some are short.some fat and some thin.but he give everyone the same time, the same minutes.everyone have sunrise and everyone got sunset.but some left the world early and some left the world later.so cherish the time you have now.

2006-07-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

oh man!its tough when you dun wish to see the person in class.or when you hate the person.how i wish faster graduate but i will miss some friends.i hate time-table.everyday starting at 8AM and ends late.

today lesson ends early for once.hahahaha.got to rush home after lunch.having tennis in the evening. it was fun but lots of physical and game.and was raining all of the sudden when we going to play this game.but we still contiune even the rain is getting bigger until we cant take it anymore.so we stop and hv more physical.sianx.run 15 rounds around from the store to the carpark.can die sia.and head is spinning and pain after the hit from azhar when having tennis rally.just wish some can kill me that time.haha.anyway has tons of fun.whole body was wet.with the rain and sweat which is stink!

2006-07-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

lets talk bout yesterday first. we finally went back to ritz work as BQT after so many months.it feel so great seeing ppl that you have not been seen for so long.but oso abit weird.can say i not used to it after a long time of not working there.but after all still can manage.oh man.the uniform SUCK.it damm ugly la.i still like the old uniform.its much more nicer.after all everything seems to be the same.hee.it a lucky day sia.got 2 cute guy sia.haha.one at joanne table and the other is on my table.haha.see until i drool.haha.but oso dun have the time to bio.too busy.haha.omg you guess what.i thought got this table wanna complaint bout my service.cos he and his friend keep starring at a serious look and even ask for my name. but end up i scared myself.hahaa.they was like asking whether want to go to their French reaturant to work.its $7/hr.and was like asking me to leave my number.but i ask them leave their instead.haha.i feel like going sia but still got venezia.sob*maybe next time.but after working is fun that day.

today was great my tired.but whole body is aching.and yesterday slpt at 3am.oh gosh and im going sentossa with my cousin.and you guess what again.i saw the cute guy who went to ritz yesterday sitting at joanne table (the one i toking bout just now).i saw them at sentossa and they actually recongise me by saying the 'ritz calthon' girl.you neo its like so embarrass.and i saw them again at bugis when we went there to eat steamboat for dinner.haha.but im too paiseh to say hi when they say hi to me.hahaha.but its a great day.

*pictures:

2006-07-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

My Worst Nitemare ever!
STOP IT! you are making me hating you more. ARHH!! when are you going to stop your childish behaviour. you just making people life miserable.i would rather be a LESBIAN then being with you.dont you get it?

2006-07-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

my new shoes picutre:

nice? i feel it look nice.hahaha.
finally i watched 'Pride and Prejudice'. i bought the VCD.haha.its so nice.oh man.i think i fallen with Mr Darcy, he so handsome and so gentlemen in the show.haha.but got one problem watching the show is the english.they talk so fast.and my english suck.hahaa.but at least still understand abit.hahaa.

2006-07-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

oh man.my tennis is seriously turning rusting.need more training.its like shit.worst then i ever think.i even can forgot how to serve.and got physical for today training cos of our mistake.we are suppose to serve and hit the cone near the line, which train us to serve 'As'. and must hit it hard.and everyone didn hit it.so we have to do 100 push up and 90degree sit up.and now my whole body is aching. afer training rush home get a good bath and watch my TELEVISION!but i ended up falling aslp due to no show.and work up late to meet my fren.but they themselves oso late.haha.went to marilyn bday party.expected to hv lots of ex-class will be going.but end up its only a few but nvm we still had our fun.haha.jokes and talk bout our stupid past.it quite funny thinking bout the past memories.

2006-07-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

Poems that i found!

The week that was,
Was a struggle within,
I was searching,
So unsure of everything.

My dreams were many,
But my resources were few,
And what was I striving for?
I no longer knew.

The sky is the limit,
The road is long,
But where was my patience?
My heart played only a sad song.

My aspirations were high,
But my faith was rather cold,
My feelings were a tempest,
That seemed beyond control.

I knew it was a phase,
That I would soon get over,
Alone, i thought I would walk it,
But, alone, it should not be so.

I took the time to be still,
To calm my troubled soul,
To tame my mind to focus,
To depend on Him alone.

It's amazing how He works,
With a complicated heart like mine,
Showing me that I need no more,
Than to know He is with me all the time.

Of how I felt in the week that was,
I feel utterly ashamed,
To know He's always there,
And yet, my heart untamed.

But I am glad that I am aware,
Knowing my weakness,
He'll meet me in my prayer,
So don't ask me how I was,
my friend,Ask me how I am.

Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up;

does not behave indecently, does not pursue its own things, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;

not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.

Love quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails…

2006-07-17T21:15:00.000+08:00

I BOUGHT A NEW SNEAKER FROM PUMA!

haha.damm happy.finally saw one that i like.but i dunneo will it suit me.but nvm i alr bought it cos i really like it.actually wanna buy addias one of the sneakers but no more my size.sicko lo.but im still happy with my shoes.hahaha.now aim for bag.but have to save money for handphone which is more important.MY PHONE IS GOING TO SPOIL!

*soon will update my shoes photo!

2006-07-17T00:45:00.001+08:00

just leave me alone.and stop being a pervert.it look scary to me now.and please respect for me.it maybe makes you happy.but its miserable to me.i need an air to breathe.you have ur life, so do i.please have some thought about others.dun make me hate you!

2006-07-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

today having camp but its not overnite.it fun but WITHOUT the teacher.they suck.wasting all our time.did you heard teacher oso will late.keep delaying our time.the food suck too.(chicken rice).but nvm at least i learnt something over there bout rock climbling, and that how i got muscle ache on my arms.

after camp...

we decided not to go home and stay overnite at east coast.and we cycle overnite.and we manage to teach edwin how to cycle.hahaa.congrate to him.hving a great time.actually me and elieen dun feel like cycling but no choice so we had to.we suppose to cycle to ms but elieen feel something not rite so we headed back to east coast.the wind of east coast is damm shiok.or maybe im too tired.the wind can just make me slp soundly. finally its morning, we went to see sunrise.the sky is so nice but wind is making me slp.damm tired and whole body is aching.after going home, i bath brush teeth, i went to slp straight away.it was like damm tired.slp from 2pm to the next day which is sun 12pm.its like 1 whole day.

2006-07-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

I LOVE MY BLOG! all thanks to EILEEN!